How to Cool Down a Heated Negotiation

Many people fear that no matter how they prepare, their negotiation will spiral into an unproductive debate or a shouting match. Even if you’re approaching the negotiation with a collaborative, joint problem-solving mindset, it’s possible that things will get heated. You know when it’s happening: Perhaps you feel yourself getting emotional. You sense that your blood pressure is rising, that you’re becoming angry or anxious. Maybe your counterpart is doing the same. The volume might be getting louder, or one or both of you have started to yell.

Whatever the reason the conversation has turned combative, here are a few ways to defuse the situation:

1. Focus on your physical reaction. Breathe deeply rather than tensing up and holding your breath. Ground yourself by putting your hands on the table or your feet on the floor. The physical motions you make will influence how your mind reacts. If you start wringing your hands, you’re signaling to your mind that there is something to worry about. On the other hand, if you move slowly and deliberately, you send a message to your brain to remain calm.
2. Listen to what your counterpart is saying. Let him vent. Some people need to boil over as a kind of release. After yelling or banging the table, they might calm down by themselves. Don’t always feel you need to respond to the outburst. If you can, let it go and move on to a more productive way of interacting.
3. Show you’ve heard him. Calmly paraphrase what you heard. Acknowledging the reason that your counterpart got upset can often help turn things around. Sometimes people just want to be heard.
4. Show some empathy. If he’s mad because of something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, acknowledge that it seems like a tough situation. Maybe even frame the issue as a joint problem on which you two can work together.
5. Find out more. If you’re the cause for his frustration, dig in and find out what’s happening. Try to understand what you did and how the two of you might be seeing things differently.
6. Take a break. If you’re the one who’s getting angry or emotional, consider taking a break. Go for a walk around the building. Ask someone on your team to help you talk it through. Some deep breathing, or even a little meditation, can help you reground yourself.

https://hbr.org/2016/02/how-to-cool-down-a-heated-negotiation